


Hey, Otabek's phone

by ScribblesInTheMargins



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Getting Back Together, M/M, POV First Person, Post-Break Up, Poyta love Otabek, Rehabilitation, mentions drugs usage, possible eating disorder, pre story minor character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-10
Updated: 2020-12-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:28:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27993789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScribblesInTheMargins/pseuds/ScribblesInTheMargins
Summary: The break up had been volatile.  Of course, it had.  Could anything with Yuri Plisetsky be any other way?In the intervening months, things have changed.  Realizations have been made.  Honesty and healing have been chosen as the only path.  However, Otabek has no way to know that.  Not until he finally unmutes Yuri's number on his phone only to find message after message from the man -- not to him so much as to his phone.  Confessions that were never meant for him to see.
Relationships: Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky
Comments: 49
Kudos: 123
Collections: Otayuriadvent2020





	Hey, Otabek's phone

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Tutti_writes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tutti_writes/gifts).



When the Grand Prix assignments were announced, my stomach felt like it had crashed. Maybe it wouldn't be an issue, but seeing Rostelecom as my second assignment felt as if it were some sort of ominous portent to something horrible to come.  _ He _ wasn't listed. That was at least a little bit of brightness. It wasn't a surprise. Yuri Plisetsky hadn't skated at all last season. It had been my best season. The first gold medal in the Grand Prix final for Kazakhstan. It had been in all the newspapers and on every news show. I had made appearances on TV shows for that achievement.

The year before, we had broken up. Maybe long-distance relationships were doomed. Maybe relationships with Yuri Plisetsky were doomed. Whatever it was, it had ended with screaming and yelling in front of the host hotel for the World Championship that year. Maybe I had seen it coming, but that night, with a bottle of tequila in one hand and Leo and JJ there to commiserate with me, I had muted his number and moved on with my life. Only I hadn't.

Back then, I had thought … no, I had thought a lot of things. No one finds the person they are going to love forever when they are only twelve. Never mind what it had seemed like it was possible when we had finally met again in Barcelona back when I was eighteen. It seemed like an eternity ago, but it was only three years.

Today, I had just taken first place in France on my first Grand Prix assignment when the announcement was made. One of the Russian men was withdrawing from the Rostelecom Cup. I didn't even need to read the rest of the article on my phone--I knew what it would say. I read it anyway. Yuri Plisetsky was listed to fill the slot. The feeling of pain from knowing he'd be there was like a fist to my stomach. I grabbed a bottle. This wouldn't be the first gala that I was hungover as I skated, this called for drinks -- a lot of them. This time my commiserating was over a video call. Leo was in Boston training and JJ had taken the GP series off to spend time with the new baby. That didn't stop either of them from drinking with me until I felt better.

The bad thing about Rostelecom was that it was only two weeks after France. The good thing was that in those two weeks, I was able to avoid most things about him. That didn't change that I had to go and act like this was completely normal. In a way it was. There was no sign of him at the hotel, and when I reviewed my packet, we were not even in the same warmup group. I couldn't count on luck for this whole event, so I grabbed my phone. Texting him now would be less painful than accidentally running into him later.

I hadn't texted him since the night we had broken up. What I didn't expect when I opened his muted contact was to see over a hundred messages. The most recent message made me pause.

>   
>    
>  _ Hey Otabek's phone _ _   
>  _ _ Yeah, I didn't expect this thing at Rostelecom was going to happen either. I had planned to not even be in Moscow because I know he doesn't want to see me. Since l have my Deda's apartment and it's close enough, so I'm going to stay there so he doesn't even see me at the hotel _ .

I just read the message again. It was strange as if it wasn't even addressed to me like I was reading something for someone else. Before I could do anything else, I sat on the bed to read through some more messages, scrolling back to the first unread. I wasn't surprised that it was from about an hour after the break-up.

>   
>    
>  _ Beka! Come on, pick up your phone! Fuck! Look I'm sorry, I'm an asshole, okay? It's my fault! _

> _ I won't do it again _

> _ I'm sorry _

> _ I'm so sorry _

> _ Please answer? _

> _ Beka? _

It went on like that for another ten messages. I wasn't surprised, that was the reason I had muted him.

Three days after the break up the tone of the messages changed and that was where I first really felt some guilt.

> _ Beka? I don't think you're reading these. I just thought you should know that I'm skipping out on the camp in Hasetsu, you won't see me there so I thought you'd want to know that. I'm flying back to Moscow today. My Deda is in the hospital, and it doesn't look good. _

I didn't know what to say as I read that. I had called Katsuki and told him I wasn't going to that camp because I had assumed Yuri would be there. I muted all mention of that camp everywhere and did my best to ignore its existence. It had been a great opportunity for me, a chance to train with Victor Nikiforov, but I hadn't been willing to be around Yuri for that many hours in a day. It had hurt too much then. Hell, even now it still hurt too much.   
  
Part of me didn't want to keep reading. I knew what was coming. I hadn't been insulated enough to miss the news. I had to keep reading.

> _ Beka, it's not good. He's not waking up. They say he had a heart attack and they were able to get his heart going again, but he was without oxygen for too long. It doesn't look good. I know you don't want to talk to me. Just, maybe text back that you're getting these messages? _

I knew Yuri. I knew Yuri better than he knew himself sometimes, and I knew that the message was a plea. It wasn't begging, it was worse. It was him assuming he was alone, and it killed me to know he had been right.

> _ So, Beka if you ever see this. I can't do this to him. I can't keep him hooked up to machines like this. It isn't him anymore. I have to let him go. That's for listening Beka's phone. Otabek's phone. I don't know. _

  
  
The next message was the one I knew that was coming. It was just a link to the obituary with the details of the services for Yuri's grandfather. I should have been there for him. I almost had reached out when I saw the news, but I had assumed he wouldn't want to talk to me. I had been wrong. I had been so wrong. There were still nearly a hundred messages that I hadn't read yet. Part of me wasn't sure if I should. Part of me wasn't sure if I could.

> _ Beka's phone? Yeah, that's what I should probably start these with now, huh? I assume I'm blocked, so these are all just going out into nowhere. So this is like talking to myself. That's fine. Not like anyone would want to talk to me. I left Lilia's. She didn't want to deal with me anymore. _

That was not what I had expected. Lilia adored Yuri as if he were her own son. There is no way she kicked him out of her house. Something was going on, but I didn't really have any right to know what it was.

> _ Dear Beka's phone, _
> 
> _ I guess I could buy a diary, but why bother when I can just do this. I am so mad. This isn't fair.  _

There was a two-month gap between that message and the next, but when I saw it, my whole world felt like it was dropping out.

> _ Hey Otabek's phone,  _
> 
> _ They say the first step to getting better is admitting you have a problem. I have a problem. I don't want this to sound like an excuse, because it's not. I'm eighteen, I need to take responsibility for myself. When I hurt my back, they gave me medicine and it felt good. It felt really good. I should have known this was going to go bad, and so I called Lilia. She picked me up and now in the morning, I am going into a treatment program. Oh, we're in France. She's trying to keep this out of the news, so please don't tell. Not like anyone is reading this _ .

I read it again. No, this was impossible. Sure, Yuri drank. He only drank when he was with me or with someone though. He… had I missed this? Drugs? He hurt his back six months before the breakup. Had I missed the signs for six months? Had he been able to hide ...

There was a gap a few weeks before the next text. This one was no better than the last one.

> _ Hey OP -- no I don't like that. Otabek's phone sounds better. _ _   
>  _ _ So France didn't work. Blah blah medical blah blah, so I'm going into a program in Moscow. Lilia thinks anything in Saint Petersburg would be too noticeable. So Moscow. I'm missing the start of the season. I don't even have programs. I don't think Yakov thinks I am coming back from this -- he's finally retiring. He said he'll set me up with a new coach, but Potya is living with Lilia for now. I don't know what's going on _ .

I wished that I had reached out to him -- that I had let him reach out to me. All he had was my muted inbox and it hurt so bad. These messages were still a year old, and I needed to know what had happened between then and now. I didn't even realize how my anger had faded. I still loved him, no matter how bad breaking up had hurt, I wasn't over it. I wasn't over him.

> _ Hey Otabek's phone,  _
> 
> _ It's day 1. I get to keep my phone. They took it at the other place. This is a three-month program. I'm on step four according to them. I'm supposed to make a list of all the people I've hurt. So that's pretty much Lilia, Yakov, and you. Deda died before I really hurt him. _
> 
> _ I feel so bad about Lilia, well all of that list, but Yakov is Yakov. I'm not the first skater to fuck over shit. Lilia … I hurt her. You'd be so ashamed of me if you saw it. _

The reason there were so many messages became clear. The next seven were just a list of all the ways he had hurt Lilia. Every lie was listed and I read them all. I knew I shouldn't. These were not meant for me. These messages were not meant for anyone. I couldn't stop. Maybe part of me wanted to know that Yuri hurt, but I knew he hurt. It was Yuri.

> _ Hey Otabek's phone.  _
> 
> _ It's day ten. I think I'm ready for this. I am not sure I am ready for this. Otabek. Beka. My first friend. My first love. My first everything. I miss him and I know it's my fault. How many lies can one person tell before it drives a wedge in a relationship? It was easier to let him think that I was jealous or bitter or cheating -- whatever he thought was causing me to lie about where I was. It was easier than admitting the truth. _

I almost put down the phone, but I couldn't. Over the next twenty messages, Yuri detailed out every time he had lied to me. I only knew of some of them. So many lies I had never caught him in. There were so many, but long-distance had probably made that easier. Maybe it had made it harder. I had no idea. Then, the next message I read was the one that hit too hard.

> _ Hey Otabek's phone. _
> 
> _ The worst lie I ever told him, it was our first night in the hotel before the Grand Prix. Things were really delayed and he was so tired when he got in. I know he didn't mean anything by it, but he didn't kiss me that night. Maybe he did mean it? I don't know. I don't think he meant to hurt me though. I had been trying to do better, and not just because I had to get through a few more days before I could stop worrying as much about a drug test. This is a hard one to type. I was just sitting there in the bed as he slept and I knew it. I knew I was losing him and that it was going to kill me. I really thought that. I just started crying because I knew I was losing him and it woke him up. I had a chance, it turns out it was my last chance. If I had told him the truth … he's a good person. He would have tried to help me. Instead, I said some shit about reading something online about a cat. He got mad, I got mad -- all because I didn't tell him the truth. What would life be like if I had told him the truth that night? I'll never know, because instead, I just … lied, again and again to him. I never deserved him. _

I remembered that night. I had been so tired and cranky and just miserable. I was starting to come down with a head cold, and I had woken up to Yuri crying over some stupid shit. It hadn't been to something stupid though, I had missed the signs.

It was dark already, but it didn't matter. I just grabbed my coat. Maybe I wasn't thinking but it didn't matter. I knew what I had to do. With my phone in my hand, I ran out of the hotel to grab a cab. I still had the address. We had stayed at his grandfather's once for a few days, what seemed like a lifetime ago. I couldn't just call him, not after having read that. I didn't know if he would want me to show up, but it was what I was going to do.

As the car made its way across Moscow, I read through message after message about how he was dealing with the treatment plan. I read about him finally getting out of the facility. I read about him getting settled in Moscow and sending flowers to Lilia -- just the first of many things he'd had to do to make amends to her as he said. I couldn't help it as I started to cry in the back of the cab reading Yuri's most private thoughts.

> _ Hey Beka's phone. _
> 
> _ So I have a therapist. We had a breakthrough today. Lilia, god how do I even say it. I had a hard time trusting Lilia because I kept thinking back to how my mother is. It was so easy to assume she would be too busy for me, or not want me around if I became too difficult -- just like my mother had. I don't know if I'll ever be able to figure out everything between my mom and I, but I do know that Lilia loved me. No, Lilia still loves me. I don't think I deserve her, and I am so thankful for the turn of fate that put me in her path. I love her and I am going to spend the rest of my life making up for every last bit of pain I caused her. Without her, I don't think I'd be alive today. _

I knew that Yuri's past had been painful, but I don't think he had ever been fully honest with me about it. I don't know if he had ever been fully honest with himself about it either. I was almost at his grandfather's apartment. I knew he wasn't staying there because it was 'close', he was doing it to spare me … one small amend that I would have never known about.

> _ Dear Otabek's phone. _ _   
>  _ _ Today in therapy, we talked about Beka. Well, we tried to talk about Beka. I did a lot of crying. I still love him. Maybe I will forever, and I think I'm OK with that. I can't imagine a world where I don't love him. I hope he is having a good life. I saw him win the Grand Prix final. Well, on TV. He looked so amazing, and he so deserved it. I'm glad he's doing well without me. He deserves happiness. _

That was all I could take. I shoved my phone back in my pocket as the last few blocks passed by. I paid the driver and then walked into the building, The security door hadn't worked for years, and I had been right that it still wasn't fixed. It had started snowing somewhere along the drive here, and the big white flakes were now melting in my hair as I took the stairs to the second floor. I didn't know what I would say, I just knocked on the door. I knew I needed to see him, and maybe it was selfish of me, but I wanted to.

When Yuri opened the door, I just stood there. It had been a year and a half. Yuri had just turned 18 when I had last seen him. Instead of looking down slightly, I was now looking up slightly. I probably was now eye level with his mouth, but what shocked me more than the five centimeters or so of new height was how thin he was. His hair was a little shorter, but those green eyes were still as beautiful as ever. I didn't know what to say.

As I stood, Yuri swallowed, "Beh-Otabek." My name was barely a whisper on his lips and it killed me to hear him use the full name. It had been years since I had been 'Otabek', but I should have expected it.

"I got your messages." I didn't know what else to say as I pulled out my phone. Of course, I meant the messages on my phone, but I hadn't thought this through. Now I was here, in the hallway. While I was bundled up for the weather outside, Yuri was dressed for the warm apartment. The shorts he was wearing were loose and down to his knees, and the T-shirt he had on was slipping off one bone-thin shoulder.

"I'm sorry." Yuri looked shocked as he muttered an apology.

"The messages you left on my phone?" There was no way he had forgotten about them. The last one had been left yesterday.

"I know. I thought I had been blocked, I didn't know … I thought you weren't getting them." Suddenly his head tilted as he looked down the hallway. His voice dropped. "Can we do this inside, I don't want drama where the old ladies can see." He stepped back into the apartment and I did the only thing I could; I followed. I didn't want any curious neighbors to watch this either.

The apartment looked so similar to the last time I had been inside. There was the same old couch we had watched movies on with the afghan on the back. The TV was new, and it had a laptop I hadn't seen before hooked up to it. The kitchen was the same. Even the fake flowers that served as a centerpiece were the same, although they had faded more. Everything was a little more faded. The rug on the back wall looked older -- everything in the apartment looked older. This wasn't just for the event that Yuri was living here. Even before I heard the jingle of a bell, I knew this was where Yuri was living now.

I rarely ever saw that cat run in all the times I had been around her, but she rushed from the back hallway where the bedrooms were and wrapped herself around my ankles. I could hear her purring before I even bent down to pet her, "Hey. How are you?" Gingerly, I picked her up as she butted her head against my chin.

"She missed you." The way Yuri's voice wavered hit hard, but to see those beautiful eyes looking so liquid. I wanted to pull him in for a hug. I wanted to tell him it was going to be alright. I couldn't do any of those things though.

Still with Potya in my arms, I nodded, "I'm sorry I muted you. I -- I shouldn't have done that."

"I shouldn't have--"

"Please, don't apologize anymore right now. Please? I wasn't here when you needed me, and I didn't see what was going on. I'm sorry."

Yuri was shaking his head, his voice barely a whisper, "I lied to you."

"I know. I saw. I read. I …" What did I want? Why was I here? No, I knew why I was here. I hadn't stopped loving him, even for a minute. "If I had known, I would have been there for you. For all of it. For rehab, for Nikolai, for you."

"I didn't tell you." So much fear was in every word.

"I know. I didn't see what you were trying to hide, but I'm here now?" I knew it was over a year late. I couldn't turn back time, all I could do was be here. I needed to know one thing, "Do you still love me?"

Yuri didn't pause, he was nodding, even as the tears finally escaped his eyes.

I let go of Potya, and I took a step forward. It didn't matter that he was taller, I still reached out and pulled him into me, nestling his head against my shoulder. "I still love you too." That was when he broke down. All I could do was hold him as I steered us to the old couch still with the crocheted armrest covers that had been there probably as long as Yuri had been alive.

This felt right. Finally, this felt right. This is what should have happened the night he was crying in the hotel. I should have reached out then and broke down his walls. Now, I held him as his defenses crumbled. Softly stroking his hair with my fingers, I let out a deep sigh. I just needed to hold onto him, I just needed to be here for him.

Finally, he was able to say something, his voice hoarse and broken, "I didn't think you would ever see those."

"I know." I knew Yuri had assumed that I wouldn't see them. For Yuri to be that open any other way would have never happened. I just kept my arms around him as I asked, "Will you tell me what happened? Me, not my phone?"

It was a long night, but practice wasn't until late tomorrow. For what seemed like minutes, but was actually hours, he told me everything. Everything. There wasn't anything hidden. Every lie, every single thing that scared him. Every last truth was confessed as if he didn't think he'd wake up in the morning, or that he'd wake up and this had all been a dream.

By the time Yuri was done, he was shaking in my arms. I had wrapped him up in the old afghan, keeping him warm and close. My coat had ended up on the floor with Potya curled up in it. I didn't know what to say. He had confessed everything, the lies, the drugs, the hurt, and the pain. All I could whisper was, "I'm sorry I wasn't here for you. I'm here now."

With Yuri crying on my shoulder, I finally took the time to think about tomorrow. It was late. There was no way that I was leaving Yuri like this. Honestly, I didn't think I was ever leaving him again. As I pressed a kiss to his forehead, my voice dropped, low and soft I whispered, "I still love you." The next kiss was to his lips, hesitant but I didn't know how to say what I felt.

Tears of pain changed to tears of relief as we stayed in each other's arms on that old couch. I don't know when we finally fell asleep. My coach would be mad if he knew I had slept on a couch, but it was only a practice day tomorrow. Honestly, the competition didn't mean anything. It didn't compare to what I now had. The beautiful young man with the eyes of a soldier; eyes that looked at me with pure love.

When the sun finally started to peek around the one curtain that didn't close right anymore, I woke up how I wanted to wake up forever. My sore shoulder and how my neck was cramped didn't matter. I had Yuri in my arms and the missing piece of the world finally felt back in place. The moment I had started to read those messages, my fate had been sealed. I had never stopped loving this man. Mistakes could be worked on. There weren't any lies anymore. As I kissed him awake, I smiled as I got to see him open those beautiful windows to his battered soul. "I love you."

"I love you, too." There was no pause. Yuri's honesty in every word.

"Move to Almaty with me?"

"What?" He sat up, blinking in confusion.

"I can't do long-distance anymore. I can't leave you looking like this and feeling like this." I'd figure out the details later. I could give him my apartment for now and live with my parents. I could give him the guest room in my apartment. I would figure out something. Hell, I'd rent a whole new apartment for him. I couldn't leave him here. He was too skinny, He was too alone. He needed to be somewhere where he could be alive and not just living in a memory of the past.

"Potya?"

"Bring her with." The cat was nothing that would stop this. She was a cat, we'd take her with. Whatever it took, I couldn't leave him. "I can't leave you." Maybe it was desperate. Maybe it wasn't well thought out, but it was how I truly felt.

With one glance around the apartment, Yuri nodded. "Okay. Yes." That moment was when what he was agreeing to hit him, he smiled. God, I had missed his smiles. They had always been rare, but that one right now in the morning light with his hair a mess from sleeping in my arms -- I couldn't think of anything more beautiful. "Yes!"

With hope and a promise, I kissed him again. We'd figure everything out, but we would figure it out together.


End file.
